Spring is just around the corner, or, according to the calendar, it has already begun. In my binge shopping therapy sprees I have seen lots of cute floral prints, tank tops, and other adorable outfits that no longer seem to look cute on me. I try on everything I think might look okay and it ends up looking horrendous! I see girls who arms don't flap in the windI see girls who thighs don't touch and who's ass still fits into a size 27 and I wonder if they know how lucky they are to not have their fat thighs chafe as they rub against each other... and I am envious.
Just today I returned a skirt because it a. made my hips look gargantuan and b. was in no way flattering to my larger than life ass. After walking through two stores today and determining that I am too out of shape and not skinny enough for their clothes I went into a slight depression, one in which I loath over my unattractive body and wonder how I let this happen to myself. I fantasized about having buff and toned arms and thin legs. Then I wondered if there were a trainer that could whip my fat butt into shape in two months. Then when I realized there was no way I was going to lose all the weight I wanted in two months and that my hips were probably always going to be too large for a poofy skirt, I got really sad, and all I wanted to do was eat pizza. or a cookie. or go drink a big cold soda. Which is why I can't fit into the skirts or jeans to begin with. Depression = food. Food = fat me. Fat me = Depression. Depressed me over not being skinny enough to fit into the cute spring clothes I want = FOOD. It's a terrible cycle to be in. Fat, depressed and really full.
Today I am wearing all black, probably to symbolize my semi-depressive state, instead of the purples and yellows and pinks that I see everyone else in. I realize I should probably change my attire and start going to the gym. But this time change has made me really tired and the gym sounds so boring and hard.
So I am going to try to use these spring images to motivate me to get a move on and try to work out enough that I can look cute in all the spring clothes I keep seeing all over town.