Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Nearing the End

I am spending my last few days in Chicago sort of....confused.  Since I am finding it hard to put it into my own words, here are some quotes that touch on what I am feeling:

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways."

"To be all that is possible we must attempt the impossible.  To be all that we can be, we must dream of being more."

"Going backwards to recover that which was left behind in the rush."
"Never are you more aware of what you want than when you are experiencing what you don't want"

Monday, May 10, 2010

I Could Really Use a Wish Right Now

This morning while riding the train to work a song came on my ipod that got me thinking about the "good ol days."  Well, actually I got started thinking about the "gool ol days" yesterday when a long lost friend was texting me about how much fun we used to have.  Randomly going to Hawaii on a whim.  Deciding the day before that we should do it.  Going to the beach for bonfires.  Getting kicked off the beach for bonfires. Spending all night awake talking and watching movies and swimming in the pool until our fingers and toes pruned up.  These were the moments in time where time seemed endless.  Where life seemed infinite and we could do anything in the world that we wanted to do.   We were young and carefree and life was SIMPLE.

Somehow, along the way, things turned complicated and hard and there was no more ignorance or naivety.   We graduated college and we got real jobs, my friend I was talking to even had a baby (very unexpectedly, and with the completely wrong person).  Nonetheless, the carefree days of then somehow turned into the burdensome days of today.  Life's simple nuances have been replaced with "real jobs" and responsibilities.

I don't know how the innocence was just gone one day.  But it was.  And these days when I wake up, I see EVERYTHING.  The pain, the sadness, the worries that I never used to have.  Although I tend to have a good attitude and always look for the positive, it doesn't mean I don't notice the bad.  I used to not even worry back then.  I never had anxiety.  I never felt confused.  Back then I was 20 and loving summer.  I was doing whatever the wind blew my way.  I was riding on the back of motorcycles, and painting my nails hot orange and wearing a size 4.   

Now, I don't know, it's just harder.  The choices I make now seem to inevitably affect the rest of my life.  That thought, that weight, just seem almost unbearable at times.  Like, "how do I know I am making the right choice?"  and "What if this hurts too much?" or "What if I can't ever get over that...?"

Which brings me to the song that really hit home this morning. The song is a new song by b.o.b. called "airplanes":

I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this...
Somebody take me back to the days
Before this was a job
Before I got payed
Before it ever matter what I had in my bank...
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now.

I know I won't ever get to wish on airplanes, and I know that no matter how hard I try there will never be a way to get back to the place I long for.  So I have to keep looking forward.  Keep remembering the "good ol days" all while knowing that there are more days to come.  Days that I can do anything I want with.  I may not have the same young, carefree attitude I did back then, but I am still living an breathing and able to laugh and cry and live on a whim!

I guess a more important song to listen to right now would be by Jordin Sparks called "One Step at a Time":

We live and we learn to take one step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen 
and we find the reasons why
One step at a time

So although I will try to remember to take it one step at a time... I could really could use a wish right now....

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Forever Young

I heard this song this morning and i love it, it's perfect for my life since it's almost my birthday:

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young