I guess sometimes it does all change. Maybe not when you expect it to, or in the way you expect it to, but it changes. You are reminded of why the sun shines again and what it’s like to feel light and free and happy. You are reminded of the good times and reminded that there are good people and good things still in store for you. Sometimes, you think you know exactly what you want and exactly what will make you happy, and then you don’t get it. And, you think: man, this is it. this isn’t going to work for me. I’m going to be depressed and sad and things aren’t going to work out and life is going to be not as a planned and things are going to be shitty for a while and somehow I am going to have to find hope in a world where I don’t necessarily want to be.
But then something happens.
Something unexpected happens.
And all the things that you thought you knew you wanted still exist, somewhere. But, the new thing distracts you from what you are missing and reminds you of what it’s like to be happy and excited.
That’s what happened to me. It doesn’t always happen. And mostly, it happens when you are not expecting it (which I wasn’t). I am not sure how long to expect to feel this new feeling or feel this way, but for now I am just going to enjoy the excitement and joy that it brings me.
I’m grateful for the distraction. And who knows what it might turn into. I’m just happy I get to feel this way, even if only for a little while. It’s a welcome change and makes me happy in my heart. I haven’t felt this free in years. It’s such a blessing.