The other day I heard a song on the radio that inspired me to think of the words that I never said. I thought about the words I’d want to say to those people that have long sense left my life, I thought about the words I’d say if some came back in to my life, and more importantly I thought about the words that I would say to those people that are still in my life. I wanted to write them down or get them out before the chance to say them is gone. The sad thing is that the words that are eating me up inside are words I want to say to someone in my life right now, and I see them on a daily basis that I am not allowed to say these words to them for a variety of reasons. So I am forced to share them anonymously either on this blog or written in ink in the journal next to my bed. Today, many of these unsaid words have been on my mind and I just feel the need to get them out.
Here’s to the sanity of myself and to all of those that I love and would not be who I am without. Here are the words that I may never get the chance to say in any other capacity.
I love you. I really do. More than you will ever know. More than you could ever understand. You have changed me in ways I did not even know were possible and you forced me to see the world through new eyes. You showed me life is beautiful and messy and full of hopes and dreams and wonderful things, but also that there are dark places that many people should never have to know. You showed me what it’s like to have a hope in something of value. Hope in the future and hope in the beauty of a life that is better. By knowing you and getting to know you I have learned to love in a new way. Learned to love in a way that means accepting. Really truly accepting all the good and all the bad and not trying to change, but trying to live inside the person that you are and be the most wonderful version of yourself. You showed me that love doesn’t mean fixing, changing or altering, but believing in the goodness. I thank you for showing me the blessings in the every day life. For sharing your talents, your secrets, your hopes, your dreams, your sadness, your joy, your fears, your jokes, your painful beginnings and more importantly thank you for trusting me. I know it was not easy and I know that things have not ended up the way either of us intended. But, no matter how far away you go or what happens or how good or bad things get I will always have you on my mind. I will always be praying for your safety, praying for God to wrap his arms around you and love on you. I will always be hoping that you have a smile on your face and a friend by your side. I will continue to believe in the beauty of your dreams whether you do or not. No matter how many days or hours or years have gone by, and if I have seen you or not, I will always wonder how you are and hope that you are well and happy and full of joy. Thank you for reminding me that life is about trusting and loving and hoping and believing and pain and heartache and rising above it all. You are a wonderful person, maybe at times misunderstood, but I know your heart is pure and sweet and wonderful. I believe in you, love you, and will always have you on my mind.