Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Not Knowing the Answer

“The hardest part of anything is the beginning, and the second hardest part is letting go when it's the end.” - E. Fritz

As of lately I have been faced with questions and concerns that I never thought I would have.  I once thought I knew everything that I wanted.  I had a nice little list of things that I wanted.  Then I got some of them, and I didn’t know what to do.   Every insecurity began to emerge from within me.  I started to feel scared and uncertain and so lost and confused.

For the longest time I believed that I wanted someone who was  more emotional.  Someone who understood what it was like to feel something deep within their soul.  Someone whose heart ached at indecency, brokenness, and the troubles of the world.  I thought I wanted someone who knew what it was to be sensitive to words, feelings and emotions.   Then I got all those things and realized I needed someone to keep me grounded when I let my feelings and emotions fly off the hinges (which happens more often than it should).

I have had to let go of more than I have wanted to lately.  I have had to say goodbye to old ghosts, old feelings and old habits.  Much of my past has moved on, and I feel I am just the same.  But when I really stop and look around I am so different than who i used to be.  Even 9 months ago.  My whole life has shifted from unknown to knowing.  My drive in life has changed, my priorities have shifted and I have settled into who I am meant to be and who I have always been called to be.  It’s so different how letting go has really opened my arms up to the beauty of the world. 

I have had to be different because of what I have been called to do.  I know this time in my life is the end to so many other parts, but I believe that my future is bright and full and will be blessed and wonderful.  My calling to be a teacher, counselor and mentor to the youth.  I cannot even put into words how deep rooted this calling is to me.   Since I lack the words I will borrow the words from a few mentors and people I look up to.  

"My dad, I still think, had the most beautiful, simple checklist for what you should do in life: Do something you really love that you would do it anyway. Do it in the most adventurous place you can do it. And make sure that it helps other people. And if you feel there's a genuine need for it, and that through that need you can help other people, you're home." — Diane Sawyer 

"I am grateful to have been loved and to be loved now and to be able to love, because that liberates. Love liberates. It doesn't just hold—that's ego. Love liberates. It doesn't bind. Love says, 'I love you. I love you if you're in China. I love you if you're across town. I love you if you're in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I'd like to have your arms around me. I'd like to hear your voice in my ear. But that's not possible now, so I love you. Go.'" – Dr. Maya Angelou 

“Whenever you are blue or lonely or stricken by some humiliating thing you did, the cure and the hope is in caring about other people." — Diane Sawyer 

"The way you step up your game is not to worry about the other guy in any situation, because you can't control the other guy. You only have control over yourself. So it's like running a race. The energy that it takes to look back and see where the other guys are takes energy away from you. And if they're too close, it scares you. So, that's what I would say to my team all the time: Don't waste your time in the race looking back to see where the other guy is or what the other guy is doing. It's not about the other guy. It's about what can you do. You just need to run that race as hard as you can. You need to give it everything you've got, all the time, for yourself." — Oprah 

"Everything passes in its time. It doesn't matter how much money you have, how much power you have, how high you sit on the Forbes list, how many times you make the Most Influential list—all of that changes. All of that changes. But what is real, what is lasting, is who you are and what you were meant to bring. What is the gift you were meant to give? And nobody can take that away from you."— Oprah 

"God can dream a bigger dream for me, for you, than you could ever dream for yourself. When you've worked as hard and done as much and strived and tried and given and pled and bargained and hoped...surrender. When you have done all that you can do, and there's nothing left for you to do, give it up. Give it up to that thing that is greater than yourself, and let it then become a part of the flow."— Oprah

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