"On Waiting"

"I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized. Then the married person, then the person I’d become when we have kids. 

For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin. And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin...

But this is what I’m finding: This is it, in the best possible way. That thing I’m waiting for, that adventure, that movie-score-worthy experience unfolding gracefully. This is it. Normal, daily life ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and secrets. This life is the most precious thing any of us will ever experience...This is life in all its glory, swirling and unfolding around us, disguised as pedantic, pedestrian non-events." -Shauna Niequist Cold Tangerines

These are the things I've been waiting for:

-to be a teacher

-to take my nieces to Disneyland

-to love my apartment and not feel the desire to move

-to afford to take my dad or mom or sister to dinner

-to have the ability to save money

-to write a book, or get published somewhere

-to create something that someone feels is worth money

-to go to Italy, and Paris.

-to feel settled

Some of these things I don't have because of my own stubbornness (or laziness), some of these things I don't have because I haven't had the right opportunity present itself, and some of these things haven't happened because I just don't have the money.  Regardless, they are all possibilities.  They are all things I can have if I work hard at them, and I persevere through the struggles that it takes for me to obtain them.  I should stop waiting to have these things, and instead make them happen!!  I know I can.  I know exactly how to get all of these things.  Some of these things I could have had earlier than now but I have let my own fear of failure get in the way of pursuing my dreams.

Today I resolve to stop waiting.

Today I will get off my bum and do what needs to be done.

Today I will stop waiting and start living.

Today is the day I have been waiting for.

(now lets hope today is also the day I start being serious about going to the gym)